WYRMWOOD: ROAD OF THE DEAD: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead, or my preferred title: Bogan of the Dead is an Australian Zombie flick that’s actually quite entertaining; if only the trailer hadn’t spoilt the whole film for you.

It’s Mad Max with zombie-brains on the windshield and a V8 engine of action-packed sequences that puts it heads and shoulders above all the other Australian Zombie Films. When Barry, Benny and Frankie find each other in the middle of a zombie apocalypse they begin a suicide mission thru the Australian bushland to rescue Barry’s sister Brooke using a zombie-fueled 4WD. 

The film really has an Australian-flavour which infects every scene. There’s maybe one scene that’s a little cringe-worthy with regards to paying tribute to Australia, but even a blatant Ned Kelly reference can’t stop you from enjoying this film if you’re a true zombie-fan. The film is incredibly Ocker-Aussie and it’s great to see a good Aboriginal actor, Leon Burchill, playing a key supporting role. Now there are some cliche moments in Wyrmwood but it more than makes up for it by providing some really decent emotional moments in the middle of all the chaos, something that even the big budget zombie films of Hollywood fail to do (cough-cough World War Z cough-cough)

The film glosses over some important details in the narrative that might have helped the audience make sense of some of the weirder characters and their motivations; however there are some good twists, great sequences and violence that would make a young Peter Jackson proud.

I’m going to be honest, the only real problem I have with this film has nothing to do with the actual film itself: it’s the marketing. The people who promoted this film and edited the trailer should be f*cking shot! If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the film. The trailer tells you all the key story points within it’s four minute and three second run time (which is too damn long for any trailer nowadays.) The trailer will show you an obstacle the characters face in the film and then seconds later shows you how said obstacle is solved. They do this multiple times, from using zombies as petrol, to using mind control to gather more zombies, to even spoiling the outcome of an attempted suicide of one of the main characters. This is just poor trailer-making in every sense of the word; if you want people to see your film, don’t show them the whole film in the trailer.

Despite poor marketing, Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead is definitely worth your time if you’re a zombie fan and it gets Four out of Five zombie-brains splattered all over your freshly cleaned windscreen.

50 SHADES OF GREY: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

Anticipation. It’s a big thing. And it doesn’t get much bigger than 50 Shades of Grey. With over 100 millions copies of the book sold worldwide, at one point there were 2 copies being sold every second somewhere in the world, and with over 250 million hits of the trailer, it’s fair to say that the film will make a big splash - but will it meet the fans expectations?

Based on a relationship between a billionaire and a girl who works in a hardware store, the film explores romance from the perspective of BDSM, something that you don’t normally see in the romance genre, certainly not in the mainstream romantic genre. Throughout the films runtime there is a power-play between the two main characters as they try to establish exactly how the whole dominant and submissive thing is actually going to work.

Firstly, being a mainstream film being aimed at the wider audience this is certainly the most raunchiest film that’s been made in the last 20 to 25 years. There’s a lot of nudity, a lot of sex and a lot of pubes... like a hell of a lot... like pubes for days. It certainly pushes the boundaries visually of what we would see in a sex scene nowadays, especially since ratings boards have become so sensitive towards things of a sexual nature however I don’t think it has the sweatiness and rawness of other sexual adventure films of the past like ‘Two Moon Junction’, ‘Nine and a Half Weeks‘ and ‘Last Tango in Paris.‘

You certainly can’t argue that the film is beautifully shot. Every scene looks like a high end commercial for cologne or suits or cars or even coffee. I’m pretty sure you could cut the dialogue out of this film and edit together the footage with some fancy music and it would just feel like one long extended commercial for Chanel. This is easily in part because of the inclusion of Jamie Dornan, the model turned actor, who does give an intense smolder whenever he is on screen - he knows how to wear a suit, he knows how to look good driving a car and he knows how to whip the living bejesus out of a bare-ass and make it look like it’s all been done on a cat-walk.

Dakota Johnson is incredibly brave to do so much full-frontal nudity in this film, but based on the audience I saw this with, you know the target audience, I’m pretty sure she was not the one they wanted to see full-frontal. She does her lip-biting best in the role and she displays that vulnerability very well throughout the whole 125 minutes of the film, but I just don’t buy why a billionaire uber-confident business man control freak who always gets what he wants would go to such great lengths to pursue her. It’s nothing that Johnson has done with the character it is just the the character is underwritten in the film and doesn’t quite deliver that “you’re everything I never realised I wanted” that Christian Grey so desires.

There’s one great scene which is best described as the contract negotiation. The character’s play this scene so straight and deliver lots of blush-inducing sexual-verbal content that it would normally feel more at place in a Seth Rogen movie.

There’s obviously a lot of sexual politics to discuss within this movie: is it feminist or anti-feminist? Is it romantic or is it domestic violence? I think they are valid questions and I think everyone is going to have their own interpretation come the end of the film. I guess for me, looking at the whole dominant and submissive roles being played up in the film, I don’t think that either role stays true it’s definition. For a man intent on being the Dominant, he gives up to his submissive’s demands a lot, often in the same scene - she’ll demand something, he’ll say no, pause and then says ok. For a billionaire used to getting his way it’s seems strange that he so quickly gives up his ground at every turn based on the version of Anastasia Steele presented in this film.      

Overall the film has struck a balance to show the raunch to a mainstream audience without  being run out of town with pitchforks, and mostly because some of the more risqué scenes from the book were removed. For the most part it is very faithful to the book, but for a film all about climaxing, the ending feels very anti-climatic.

Fifty Shades of Grey gets Three pubes, and Two erect nipples out of Five.
  

   

KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW

Filled with the kind of camp-insanity that you had back in the Roger Moore era of Bond films, the new film from the creators of Kick Ass bring us another fun but stupid film. Thankfully it is more fun than stupid, but not by much, and the stupidity is definitely there.

Kingsman: The Secret Service is the latest collaboration between Matthew Vaughn and comic book writer Mark Millar who we last saw working together on the hyper-violent and hyper-funny superhero comedy. This time they've moved from superheroes to super spies with Colin Firth playing a John Steed type elegant suave and formal gentlemen of the 007 variety. When a member of his service is killed in action, Firth’s character puts forth an unlikely candidate played relative new-comer Taron Egerton. Once enlisted the two must work together to stop a mega-maniacal billionaire played by Samuel L. Jackson who has a very specific plan for wiping out most of the people on the planet and a lisp, he has a lisp, a very irritating, very annoying lisp.

Let's get this out of the way first, the film is super-violent, and much like with Kick Ass this is not been clearly conveyed in the advertising for the film. Much like Kick Ass it's being marketed to a younger audience with it’s colourful characters, flashy imagery and rocking soundtrack but those same kids can't get in to see the film because of the MA15+ rating. And it is rated this way for good reason. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it but when it gets violent, it gets violent, with fingers getting shot off, heads exploding, bodies getting cut in half and impallings just to name a few.

The action is great with fast-editing and creative camera work to really build up the energy when these characters start a fight. There is one scene where Colin Firth takes on nearly a hundred racist religious nuts, and the choreography and cinematography is almost like nothing we’ve seen before. There is some dodgy CGI throughout these scenes which can take you out of the moment but for the most part it gets away with it.

There are some great pop-culture references that come straight from the mouth of Millar and it is very self-aware of its references to the classic Bond-era of spy movies. The film has its’ tongue wedged firmly in its’ own cheek when referencing many of the cliches it either avoids or embraces whole-heartedly.

Colin Firth is the perfect gentlemen’s spy and Taron Egerton ascends the what can often be an irritating teenage London thug in the less capable hands of someone else. Samuel L. Jackson brings what Samuel L. Jackson normally brings to any film however this time with a lisp. When you first hear it it is funny, but after about a minute the joke wears off and grows very thin come the end of the film. There is a great array of British supporting actors to round out the film including Mark Strong and Michael Caine. We have a quick appearance by Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill, however I can’t help but feel if the role had been bigger then they would have cast Eddie Izzard as it felt like Hamill was just doing a bad Izzard impression.

As I said, there is a lot of fun to be had when watching this film that transcend a lot of the flaws. The motivations of some characters seem often forced, there are plot holes all over the place, and you have characters introduced only to serve as plot-devices that have very little pay-off. 

I'll admit I'm not the biggest fan of the interviews of the comes off as very arrogant and incredibly full of itself But the most frustrating thing is guys actually has talent to back up that arrogance...

Kingsman: The Secret Service gets Three and a half out of Five really annoying lisps...

GONE GIRL: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW

So my favourite film of last year is finally out on DVD and Blu-Ray, so how does it hold up now that it’s available for home viewing?

Fincher is one of the last great directors of adult films. Not those kind of ‘adult films’, I’m talking quality adult films like The Godfather, adult dramas that were produced by studios with a decent budget to match. Big budget features today can only offer guns, explosions, car chases and big f*ck-off robots beating the sh*t out of each other. If you want to make a film for intelligent adults without any of the above then you’re relegated to ‘indie-adult-drama.’

Based on the 2012 bestseller, the film stars Ben Affleck as a bar owner whose wife goes missing, and as the film progresses he is put under severe scrutiny by the public, the police and the media over his involvement in the case. Telling you any more would be spoiling things - but trust me, this is a film that gets bat-sh*t nuts and that regardless of whether you are a guy or a girl, you do not stick your proverbial d*ck in crazy.

Using non-linear narrative at the start this has been done to cleverly reveal things to us as the audience. As the film moves along you begin questioning which characters to side with and sometimes whose story is more believable. This is a dark and brooding affair and when watching it on Blu-Ray that dark imagery is sharp and beautiful thanks to Fincher’s meticulous attention to detail with regards to set dressing, lighting and camera work.

Like any David Fincher film, it is dark, sometimes so dark it borders on pitch-black, but it is also funny, darkly darkly funny. A lot of this humour comes directly from Batfleck and Rosamund Pike, with Pike giving one of the sexiest, scariest and most disturbing performances thanks to her physical transformations throughout the runtime. By the time you’re finished you’ll never be able to have a shower with your partner again. There’s also some great performances from the supporting cast which include a creepy Doogie Howser, a charming Tyler Perry not playing Madea and the stellar performance from Kim Dickens as a tough as nails detective that gets right up Batfleck’s prostate.

But how about Gone Girl’s special features?

There are none. Unless you count the Director’s Commentary track by Fincher. Now I personally love commentary tracks and David Fincher is always fantastic to listen to. He’s a master of his art and he always gives insights both into the film and the industry as a whole. He is truly fascinating to listen to.

But what about the rest of the features? As I said, there are none and this is just shocking. This is Fincher’s most successful film to date and he has always provided exhaustive special features detailing the making of each of his films. Some of his best include Fight Club, Zodiac and Panic Room, yet this film is bereft of any of this normally great material. And at this stage I’m blaming 20th Century Fox. They have a horrendous record for releasing multiple versions of the same film. It began with the obvious success they had with Star Wars and they have continued this approach ever since. They’ve done it so often to the X-Men movies that Bryan Singer once said in an intro to one of the DVD special features for an X-Men film that he hopes that only one person has bought this DVD and has screened it with all their friends.

Overall you cannot fault the film however the lack of special features from a director famous for providing some of the best behind the scene material feels like a bit of a rip-off. If you don’t care for special features then pick up the film straight away, if you want something with more insight into the films creative process then hold off for the eventual special addition so that those motherf*ckers at Fox don’t get you to pay for the same film twice.

Gone Girl gets Four and a half out of Five creepy Doogie Howsers