ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

Now I know these are supposed to be spoiler-free reviews, but if you are one of the few handful of people who have seen that small little indie film called Star Wars A New Hope, then you probably already know how this film ends. Yes, Rogue One is the first in what will become a never ending cycle of Star Wars spin-off films produced by Disney, the film actually serves as an inbetweenquel for the prequels and the original trilogy and answers that age old question of who exactly put in that friggin’ thermal exhaust port that leads directly to the reactor system?  

Set just before the events of A New Hope, we follow a group of not just unlikely heroes but a group of morally and ethically dubious characters who include Oscar winner Felicity Jones as Jyn Erso, Diego Luna’s Cassian Andor who’s kind of a really brutal Mexican version of Han Solo along with the bromance couple that is Donnie Yen and Wen Jiang and scene-stealer Alan Tudyk’s reprogrammed Imperial Droid K-2SO. Their mission: to steal the plans for the Death Star and get them back to the rebel base - so as I said, if you’ve seen the original trilogy, then you know what happens in this film. But that is not to be seen as a bad thing here. 

Now let’s get down to the nitty-gritty: it is kind of weird watching a Star Wars film that doesn’t feature the opening crawl, but also, it’s kind of awesome too. One of the biggest concerns going into this film was that it was going to be another nostalgia-ridden project more focused on reminding you that it’s a Star Wars film than creating an original story. Five minutes in, and there’s nothing to worry about. This film is dark, gritty and still has some well placed humour. We have heroes that aren’t afraid to kill and aren’t afraid to sacrifice others to aid their own escape - fingers crossed they don’t release a special edition twenty years down the track where Andor doesn’t shoot first. 

The film is also filled with some great fresh moments including a great Donnie Yen fight sequence that echoes the choreography and humour of Hong Kong action films that he cut his teeth with. Whilst Alan Tudyk’s K-2SO is the most likeable Droid Star Wars has ever produced, with a dry sense of humour that just has me wishing for a spin-off movie where his character just does stand-up comedy and asks what is the deal with Imperial Tie-Fighter peanuts.     

Director Gareth Edwards, along with the rest of the crew, have done a fantastic job designing the worlds, the costumes, the creatures, the ships and the technology throughout. It feels like the whole film has just fallen out of a long lost Ralph McQuarrie sketch book - there’s a great balance of giving us something new, but still making it feel like it belongs with the films of the 70’s. Much like Abrams’ The Force Awakens, this movie knows when to use practical effects and when to use CGI - with just one exception. As many will know, this film reintroduces us to Peter Cushing’s Grand Moff Tarkin, however instead of recasting like they did with almost every other character featured from the original trilogy, we get a full-blown CGI rendering of Peter Cushing that just can’t seem to push past that uncanny-valley look and feel that plagues so many CGI human characters. It’s my only real complaint of the film because it really does take you out of the movie, especially when CGI creepy-boy is CGI acting text to Aussie Ben Mendelssohn who gives a solid performance as the film’s big bad. 

The film is one part heist movie, one part war movie and when I say war movie, I mean that this may be the first time in a series called Star Wars where we actually get to see “real” war - not cute little plush toys fighting Stormtroopers in the forest, not CGI armies falling by the dozens, I mean actual gritty knuckle-down drag out battles on the beach whilst AT-ATs, Tie-Fighters and X-Wings serve as a backdrop to this more grounded battle.  

Overall though, your enjoyment of the film will most likely be dependant on how much you have built this film up in your head and how much this film maybe meets or doesn’t meet those expectations. Some people may be disappointed that certain characters weren’t in the film as long as they had hoped, some may have hoped for interactions between different characters that never occurred, whilst others may be disappointed by the lack of certain Star Wars-y things. For me though, knowing that we are going to get new Star Wars films at least once a year from now until the end of time itself, my main worry was always that the novelty of Star Wars would wear off because of the sudden high frequency of films. Looking at how fresh Rogue One feels, it gives me a new hope for these new Star Wars films having some real legs. 

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story gets Four out of Five Stars (or Four out of Five creepy CGI Tarkin’s fighting overrated plush toys in a forest) 

FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

Because the DC Films are in struggle-town and that $2.3 billion juggernaut called Harry Potter hasn’t been in cinemas for five years, it was only a matter of time before Warner Brothers turned back to the world of Wizards, Muggles and Fantastical Creatures. But with all the books having been milked for every last penny they could, where do you go with the series? You adapt the book within the book. Yep it’s Bookception or as J.K. Rowling and David Yates would prefer you call it, Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them. 

Set in 1920’s New York, we find Newt Scamander arriving by boat with a suit case that makes the Tardis feel claustrophobic. After a brief encounter with a No-Maj, the New York term for Muggles, named Jacob Kowalski, some of the creatures in his fantastic suitcase are released and the world of wizards is threatened to be exposed. In between all this we have Wizard police, a Madame President, something going on with a newspaper owner and his aspiring sons, an abusive woman hell-bent on a witch hunt and Ezra Miller doing his best creepy Crispin Glover from Charlie’s Angels impression -the only thing it’s missing is him pulling out Drew Barrymore’s hair and sniffing it while he jerks off. There’s a lot going on and not a lot of pay off - most likely because we need to stretch this new franchise out for another five films, but how does it compare to the original Harry Potter series?   

The honest truth is, I can’t answer that. I have no frame of reference because I’m one of the seven people on this planet that has never watched a Harry Potter film and never read the books. I don’t have anything against Harry Potter, I was just watching other films and reading other books whilst J.K.Rowling dominated the world of film and literature. I know when my son is old enough to watch them we’ll get to enjoy them for the first time together - but for now all I can reference is the film in front of me. 

Look, the special effects are great, 90% of the time, the creature designs are imaginative, creative and sometimes scary and 1920’s New York is beautifully recreated. The music is magical, each sequence is well choreographed and expertly shot and edited - you can’t fault the mechanics behind the look and feel of the film. Plus, it manages to maintain a Chaplin-esque feel amongst all of the blockbuster special effects.  

Dan Fogler’s Jacob Kowalski is a real highlight to the film and you can be forgiven for forgetting that this is the guy that gave us Balls Of Fury. From his accent, the way he interacts with other characters to just his sheer mannerisms, he’s easily my favourite character. A lot of the supporting cast throughout are good, however many of them are relegated to just standing and staring intently - I mean quite literally if there isn’t a promotional poster for a character don’t expect them to utter a word. 

We have Colin Farrell and Ezra Miller in supporting roles that although they are both good in, don’t really feel like they truely fit with the rest of the film. Once again, Ezra Miller is fine in the creepiest way possible, he’s a solid actor however I still need more convincing that he can play the leading man in a superhero film, looking at you Flash. We have some good turns from Katherine Waterston and Samantha Morton along with Alison Sudol who is maybe a little too sexy for her role if I’m being honest. 

Then we have the lead, Eddie Redmayne. Yeah, look, your enjoyment of the film will be solely dependant of your tolerance for Eddie Redmayne, who gives a very Eddie Redmayne performance. He’s interesting with his aloof mannerisms to say the least, he looks like someone spray-painted skin onto him to put it mildly and he acts like a freaking serial killer throughout most of the film if asked for extremes. For me, he’s just one step short of dragging a woman by the hair into a dark alleyway whilst holding a sonic-screwdriver and doing his best/worst Tom Baker impression. 

Overall the film has some good exciting moments and kind of makes you yearn to be a kid again. It’s easily twenty minutes too long and with the news that Johnny Depp will be playing the villain in subsequent sequels, because nothing screams success like the biggest box office drawcard of 2006, we can only hope that this new series moves from strength to strength. 

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them gets Three out of Five Stars (or Three out of Five prayers that Johnny Depp doesn’t Johnny Depp the villain role in the sequels) 

  

DOCTOR STRANGE: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

It’s like Inception through a kaleidoscope whilst on a sh*t-ton of acid, especially if your watching it in 3D. Doctor Strange is the fourteenth film in the Marvel Cinematic Canon that’s filled with money and the crushed dreams of DC fans, which follows the stellar Phase 3 opener that was Captain America Civil War. The big question is, how does Marvel’s first foray into the psychedelic world of the Sorcerer Supreme shape up? Upon first reflection, it’s very much more of the same, but strangely different. 

So the story follows Doctor Stephen Strange, a brilliant but arrogant neurosurgeon whose head is so far up is own arse that the resulting a**holery finds his hands crippled after a near fatal car accident. Spending his vast fortune trying to find a cure, he eventually finds himself in Katmandu training with Tilda Swinton playing the One Punch Man as he learns the ways of the mystic arts to become Marvel’s first master of the dark arts. 

First things first, you have every person with a speech-impediments favourite actor Benedict Cumberbatch playing the title role, and Cumberbatch is Cumberawesome and is another example of Marvel’s great casting choices. As previously mentioned, we have Tilda Swinton perfectly paired with Cumberbatch as the wise old Ancient One who may or may not be hiding a few anti-aging secrets from the people at Olay Regenerist. White-washing aside, she has the perfect balance of calm and wisdom for such a role. 

Director Scott Derrickson, the man behind stellar horror films such as Deliver Us From Evil and Sinister, plays well within the Marvel Universe, giving us some rich settings, good little jump scares and a type of humour that grows on you by the end of the film. We have some great little additions such as the Cloak Of Levitation which is almost a character within itself to the point where I really just wanted to see even more of it throughout the movie. 

Now your overall enjoyment of the film may be based on your tolerance for the Marvel movie template because as I said at the beginning, the film is different, but strangely the same. 

The case of underused villains once again rears it’s ugly head and Hannibal fans might be particularly upset with how underutilised Mads Mikkelsen is within the main villain role - there’s just not enough for him to chew through with motivations only slightly elevated from Christopher Eccleston’s villain in Thor The Dark World (you know the one… what’s his name… the one with the pointy ears… he was angry for some reason… never mind). However, despite a lacklustre main villain, the film is setting up some very complex villains for possible future instalments that could see the Marvel villain curse broken. 

We have Rachel McAdams in the traditional thankless female lead role, just see Pepper Potts or Jane Foster for a quick, easy reference. She has some fleeting moments throughout the film and a forced love-interest narrative which is ultimately superfluous to the overall story (once again check out Gwyneth Paltrow in any of the Iron Man movies) - although McAdams does have one moment to save our heroes life.   

Some people have drawn comparisons to movies like Inception and Batman Begins and whilst I can see some links between the films, they are very tenuous and Doctor Strange is very much its own thing with respects to these influences. The Batman Begins references are very superficial and take a back seat to some really interesting dynamics between Doctor Strange, The Ancient One, Baron Mordo and the librarian Wong. Whereas the Inception references are merely a starting point for the incredibly layered and complex moving parts that demand more that one viewing just to absorb how much has been brought to the screen after Christopher Nolan’s physic bending epic.     

The climax of the film has, yet again, the Marvel “death from above” trope - which in of itself is disappointing because after some amazing sequences during the film’s second act where characters were falling upwards, sideways, back-ways and every other angle in between, it was clear that death didn’t necessarily have to come from above. It seems like Hollywood just has this fascination with getting their actors to look up into the sky. Yet despite this being so familiar, much like Guardians Of The Galaxy, Derrickson and the team have managed to resolve the climax in a way that’s clever, funny and different from other Marvel movies - and this is clearly where Dan Harmon, the creator of Rick & Morty makes his influence felt when he was brought on for rewrites. 

Finally, your tolerance may be tested yet again by how similar the character of Doctor Strange is to Tony Stark, you know, another arrogant smart-ass who makes pop-culture references when dissing a supporting character and has some distinguished facial-hair. Not that there is anything wrong with this, and it is very much in line with the character from the comics, but for general movie-goers, characters like Doctor Strange, Tony Stark and Star-Lord may all be blending into one and just become more of a Robert Downey Jnr off (and the only person who wins in a Robert Downey Jnr-off is Robert Downey Jnr…) 

Now this is not me making a list of my own personal complaints of the film, personally, I love the Marvel movies and probably have a bit of an unfair bias towards these movies due to a childhood of reading countless comics, but there is no denying that the films do run the risk of becoming stale. 

Overall, Doctor Strange introduces us to a new mystic world within the forever expanding Marvel Universe and even with the interesting mix of same, same but different, there is no denying that this exciting movie opens up a world of opportunities for other characters in the MCU - and if you want know more, as always, stay for the end-credit sequences.  

Doctor Strange gets Three and a Half out of Five Stars (or Three and a Half out of Five eye-melting acid trips through an Inception wonderland that really shouldn’t be visited on a full stomach) 

SUICIDE SQUAD: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

Now whether you loved or hated Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice (and let’s face it, that seems to be the only two emotions people have towards that film) there is no denying that the film didn’t land the way Warner Brothers had hoped when they launched their DC Cinematic Universe. However with a really strong promotional push, it seemed like David Ayer’s Suicide Squad was set to put the DC Cinematic Universe back on course. 

The story is essentially The Dirty Dozens crossed with Escape From New York narrative where a rag-tag group of, mostly Batman's rogue gallery, need to suit up and do the jobs that the heroes can't. There's no denying that it's an awesome premise and that there's fun moments and cool sequences, it just doesn't work as well as it should. 

The pacing along with the tone is all over the place and is never truly even or balanced at any point. We have a hard 30 minute slog at the beginning where the film dedicates it's time to establishing origin stories, lots and lots of origin stories; sure it tries to jazz this up with its visuals and editing but it's still very draining at the start. We get a lot of time devoted to establishing Will Smith's Deadshot and Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn, however many of the other characters suffer because of this. Jay Hernandez gets some nice development at times however there are clearly some characters the film just doesn't give a shit about, don't worry, you'll know them when you see them. 

Director David Ayer, the man behind Fury, End Of Watch and the critically underrated Sabotage makes some good choices with some visual tricks with the character of Enchantress and certainly has some good visual moments for most characters. This unfortunately is just undercut by some poor editing choices that fail to help establish a context; often the context for things that are happening in the story seems to have been left on the cutting room floor as can be noted by a lot of key scenes missing from the trailers. 

With four stellar trailers, over twenty TV spots, a dozen featurettes and another dozen clips for the film released before Suicide Squad even hit the cinemas, one thing that the film should be credited for is not releasing any major spoiler footage from the third act. Unfortunately, there’s a reason for that.  

The finale doesn’t have any big twists, no real significant sacrifices, and no investment beyond the superficial - so the truth is, there isn’t really anything to spoil in the final act.

So let’s talk about Jared Leto’s Joker. 

Since the beginning, I’ve never been totally sold on the design of this new Joker. It looks like Marliyn Manson f*cked Ali-G, they had a baby and then fed that baby crystal-meth until the baby grew up and allowed itself to be painted up by a hyperactive toddler high on a Krispy Kreme binge session. I’m all cool with The Joker being a gangster, but not a really bad stereotype of a pimp-gangster.

Jared Leto is clearly giving it his all but he seems to be stuck between doing an impression of Heath Ledger's Joker and Jim Carrey's The Riddler. It's an interesting and ambitious take on The Joker, unfortunately it's just not quite there yet. It's not as memorable as Jack Nicholson or Heath Ledger but that doesn't mean there isn't potential. The character is brutal and sadistic throughout his scenes in the film, but hardcore fans of The Joker/Harley Quinn relationship will note that their storyline in this film completely goes against the core of what makes that duo such an engaging partnership.  

The film has a wide array of great songs scattershot across the entire movie which should really be awesome, if these songs hadn’t been used a hundred other times in a hundred other films. Sometimes it almost feels like the film is afraid to let the audience experience silence so they just panic and throw a generic rock song up on screen in hopes that it will stick or at least distract. 

Overall, the film has some good and some bad to it: the tone is muddled as it's trying to be too many things all at once: funny, yet serious, colourful, yet dark; never quite strikes the correct balance. It's not as bad as Batman V Superman, but also, it's not the course correction that Warner Brothers may have been hoping for. 

Suicide Squad gets Two and a Half out of Five Stars (or Two and a Half out of Five meth-fuelled love child's of an androgynous rock star and pimp-inspired stereotypes) 

JASON BOURNE: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

The world is on the brink of turmoil, there are riots on the street, paranoia is at an all-time high, and shady government agencies are breeding a new group of spies and assassins capable of infiltrating the very heart of our society. In times like these, there is only one person we can turn to:

That’s right, Matt Damon. 

Set twelve years after the events of The Bourne Ultimatum, amnesiac super-spy Jason Bourne has resurfaced with his memory fully intact and hellbent on uncovering the hidden truth about his family and his past. With some returning faces including Julia Stiles and a new stellar supporting cast that features Vincent Cassel, Alicia Vikander and veteran Tommy Lee Jones the real question is, with the return of Damon and Paul Greengrass in the directors chair, is this sequel necessary let alone worth the agonising wait? 

In a post-Snowden world the Bourne franchise hasn’t lost any of its steam, it keeps the film contemporary and just adds to our global-paranoia of what personal information we should and shouldn’t be putting on the internet. With a fast pace throughout, thanks to Greengrass’ signature frenetic camerawork and editing, we move from foot chases to motorcycle chases to internet chases to Bourne bringing a paperclip to a gun fight and still winning - it’s a lot of what we’ve come to expect from this series. Even though some might complain about Greengrass’ approach to storytelling, you can’t denying that he’s good at giving us a sense of location before the action starts and then pulls the editing together so tightly that you don’t know your earhole from your a**hole as you try to figure out just how Bourne is going to get out of each nail-biting situation. 

The casting is rock-solid with Vikander being a great addition to the series that leaves you constantly questioning which side she’s really on whilst Tommy Lee Jones joins a long line of grumpy old men pulling the strings behind the scenes. Vincent Cassell is the smooth European assassin for this instalment and some of the best scenes are of him effortlessly collecting weapons, data and ass-whoppings. Both Cassell and Jones inclusion add a personal element to Bourne’s mission this time and it’s the most obvious progression for the series to take however taking a step back, it doesn’t really feel like any of these personal moments or vendettas are really earned because the film moves at such a break-neck speed. Often the personal motivations are more of a convenience than anything else, but this isn’t to say that the film isn’t still exciting.  

Truth be told, I’m a massive Bourne fan. Ever since Doug Liman gave us the first instalment with The Bourne Identity, this series redefined the Spy-Thriller genre and even had cinematic staples like James Bond mimicking what Damon and Greengrass brought to the table. The shaky-cam may be a little nauseating at times, but there is no denying that these films keep you on your feet and has the most lethal array of stationary ever committed to cinema. I even enjoyed the Jeremy Renner film, it had potential and it did a half-way decent job of world-building, but I understand why they wouldn’t continue that storyline when they can get Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass back together again. 

Much like the Bond series, the Bourne films have become a bit of a slave to their own formula: discover a new ominously titled maguffin, evade capture in a densely populated location, have a hand-to-hand fight with a supposed ally (whilst incorporating some form of office stationary in the fight), have a face-to-face with the old grizzled bad-guy, end on a car chase that out does the previous films (and this film definitely has the best car chase of the franchise). It’s just unfortunate that after a nine year break, Damon and Greengrass hasn’t brought anything new to their template. If you’re a fan of the series, like myself, this is probably not going to bother you too much, but with another Bourne movie set-up at the end of this film, you’ve got to hope that they will add a little something different to ensure this series longevity. 

Jason Bourne gets Four out of Five Stars (or Four out of Five ass-whooping paperclips to the face.)     

STAR TREK BEYOND: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

In the third instalment of the newly rebooted series, we sees Kirk dealing with daddy issues, Spock being logical, Bones being grumpy and Scotty being Scottish. In-between all this we have a movie that feels very much like an episode from the original 60’s series but just amped up to blockbuster level that manages to be one part clever, one part funny, one part action-packed and all Star Trek. 

Three years in to their five year mission to explore strange new worlds and Chris Pine’s Captain Kirk is having that classic first world problem of being bored at his job. He’s stopped bedding aliens, he can’t decide to whether to wear the yellow commander’s shirt or the other yellow commander’s shirt, and he’s come to the realisation that he’s a year older than his father ever lived to be. Oh yeah, this sounds like the kind of excitement you’ve come to expect from this reenergised franchise. Thankfully though Kirk’s mundane existence is about to be shaken up by Idris Elba bringing a swarming sh*t-storm of f*ckery   upon Kirk and the crew of the USS Enterprise.

Those worried that J.J. Abrams space-jumping from the series would have an adverse effect on the quality of the film can rest easy as Justin Lin, the man most famous for giving us no less than four of the Fast & Furious films, takes the helm and gives us, a surprisingly solid Star Trek film. He’s managed to honour the original Trek series whilst still giving us that kinetic action that we come to expect from the two previous instalments - even if it is a little subdued in direct comparison. Lin does brings his Fast & Furious eye to film the USS Enterprise flying in ways you’ve never seen before, with cinematography that sweeps through ships and gives you more than one moment of vertigo. 

On top of this, the designs are all kicked up a notch in every aspect; from new uniforms to the new aliens, from spaceships to planets to planets that house spaceships; it really is some impressive Sci-Fi. One thing that both writer Simon Pegg and director Justin Lin should be credited for is giving us an exciting Star Trek film that’s true to the heart of the original series and manages to avoid some of the familiar beats that plagued the last two films: there’s no Red Bull Space-Jumping, no one getting promoted due to just being in the room at the time, no Kirk getting chewed out for being reckless and virtually no lens flares. Beyond does use another Beastie Boys track, but in the best possible way. The film also handles the deaths of both Leonard Nimoy and Anton Yelchin in a dignified way, plus introduces the franchises first ever gay character in a manner where it doesn’t feel like tokenism, nor is it the singular trait that defines the character.  

We have the world’s leading bad-ass Idris Elba in a role where he is completely unrecognisable bar his unique gravelly voice but is never-the-less a sh*t-ton of awesome. He does suffer from bad-guy-exposition-syndrome which does kind of feel a little bit lazy but in the same breath is probably just paying homage to the villains of the original TV series. I mean, there is no legitimate reason for Lieutenant Uhura to be walking around with him whilst he explains his masterplan other than to further the plot. There is also the occasional plot hole, however all of this is forgiven thanks to the inclusion of Sofia Boutella playing a new kick-ass alien warrior by the name of Jaylah, not to be confused with J-Law. 

Overall, the quality of this Star Trek series has remained consistent over the last three films. I wouldn’t say that they have gotten better as they have gone along, they’ve just remained consistent - but when the 2009 reboot set the standard so high that’s nothing to acid-snot sneeze at (don’t worry, I promise that will totally make sense when you see the film.)  

Star Trek Beyond gets Four out of Five Stars (or Four out of Five swarming sh*t-storms of f*ckery) 

GHOSTBUSTERS (2016): SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

It’s the film that, as soon as it was announced, has ridden a wave of hatred from middle-aged white men on Reddit, 4Chan and the Youtube comment section claiming that this movie would ruin the original Ghostbuster films. It seems many of these guys seem to forget just how bad Ghostbusters 2 really was, but at the end of the day, is Paul Feig’s Ghostbusters reboot really worth all the hate? 

If you can just put nostalgia aside and accept this film for what it is, you might actually have some fun. The humour is strong with some solidly funny banter between characters, there's some well done jump-scares, there’s some good character designs, but most of all, it’s just fun. If you can't put nostalgia aside, then it's not as good as the original, but at least it's better than Ghostbusters II.

Borrowing beats from the original film and modernising them, this new version of the Ghostbusters also wears it's love of the original on its sleeve wholeheartedly. You have some great performances from the whole cast with Kate McKinnon and Chris Hemsworth being the real standouts. She keeps the weird dialed up to 11 throughout the entire runtime whilst Hemsworth just brings the funny in every scene he's in. What's extra pleasing is that, much like Rose Byrne in Bad Neighbors, he was able to use his Australian accent which is great to see in an American film and easily helped to sell his humour even more-so. 

The humour itself is consistently strong throughout, although those expecting Bridesmaids-level swearing and lewdness may want to temper their expectations due to the PG rating. And before people get up in arms over that, even if the film had been cast with Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill and Craig Robinson you still would have had the humour pulled back down to PG-friendly territory, however there are still a few naughty jokes that managed to slip past the censors. 

The film isn't without its faults though, the villain is really not needed but is also irritatingly bad on a level the wreaks of pantomime. The bad guy literally walks around talking out loud to no one in particular basically explaining his motivations to the audience every time he's on screen - and it’s cliched, really really cliched. The final act also suffers from some poor plotting that I feel is really endemic of Sony's approach to storytelling. Without giving too much away: one of the team is taken away in front of the other members of the team, they know who has taken them and what they plan to do but don't appear to do anything about this until the apocalypse arrives, it just doesn't make sense.

So, a lot of the hate comes down to the fact that this film is a reboot, and to be honest, it took me many years to make my peace with reboots and remakes. There is naturally a cynical side to reboots and remakes in the sense that they are easier to market and a safer financial bet due to there already being an in-built audience, but there is another reason that reboots exist: to keep these stories in popular culture and relevant. As hard as it might be to believe, kids today don’t know who Indiana Jones is, or what The Goonies are, or what Back To The Future is, and until The Force Awakens came out, many of them had never even seen Star Wars - trust me, I’ve taught kids for the last decade. So reboots are there to keep these stories in the public conscious. Once again, it might be really hard for white males between the age of 35-45 to believe, but these films are not made for them and the release of a new interpretation of their favourite film has no impact on the original because the original still exists for them to watch. 

Just on a side note though, if you are one of those winging man-babies that claim to be a film reviewer yet are refusing to review this film, then you are really sh*t at your job and you’re not a f*cking film critic in my eyes. 

Overall, the film is fun and is in no danger of destroying anyone's childhood, but we do need to keep in mind when saying that that man-babies think differently to you and I. As far as modern updates go, it has more hits than misses but the film will definitely leave you wanting to see more of these characters once the credits roll. Whilst talking about the end credits, the new version of the classic Ghostbusters tune may suck, but stay for Chris Hemsworth's dance routine.

Ghostbusters gets Three and a Half out of Five Stars (or Three and a Half out of Five middle-aged white guys missing out on all the fun - but that's what YouTube comments are for am I right?) 

INDEPENDENCE DAY RESURGENCE: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

Twenty years ago, Roland Emmerich set the standard for extinction level event blockbusters, since then he has made one disaster movie after another (some figuratively, some literally.) Despite some of his films being turned into sequels, Emmerich himself has never done a sequel before, until now. After sitting through the two hour run-time, you kind of think he should have just continue to stay away from sequels. 

Twenty years after aliens attacked, Will Smith became a huge star, and Jeff Goldblum smirked and stuttered his way through the film; the aliens are back and as the tagline says “we had twenty years to prepare, but so did they” if only the filmmakers had prepared themselves like the aliens. 

Now I remember loving the original when it came out, when I was sixteen, but as I grew up I realised just how terrible the film actually was: cliched scenes, an overabundance of characters, and explosions that would give Michael Bay nocturnal emissions. Twenty years later, and not much has really changed with this “franchise”: too many characters, too many incestuous links between the characters, and gigantic explosive spectacle where characters survive insurmountable odds to eye-rolling proportions. 

The film itself doesn't just one-up its’ predecessor but one-up all the other destructive blockbusters that have come since; Roland Emmerich decides to throw as many landmarks as possible at other landmarks regardless of physics or geography. However physic defying logic is the furthest issue this film has, with lacklustre characters that make you miss Will Smith, and situations that defy sheer logic. Logic such as allowing a long-haired crazy comatose patient who walks effortlessly past armed guards in a secure area that’s housing the President of the United States whilst his IV bags drag along beside him - you know, that kind of logic. 

Once again, like the original, the film is just filled with stereotypes that sometimes border on the offensive. You have the geek, the top-gun maverick, the eccentric scientist, the machete-wielding Somalian warlord, the asian (for the Chinese market), the Jew and quite literally an irishman hunting for gold. Add to this too many additional characters, too long a runtime and too many pixels flying around the screen you can’t help but feel exhausted by the time the end credits start to roll. 

Overall, the film certainly does go bigger than the original and bigger than almost all other disaster movies, but that does not mean better in this case. Lacking on many fronts and in a blockbuster season filled with sequels, Independence Day Resurgence falls into the category of sequels that crashed and burned like many of the landmarks featured in the trailers.

Independence Day Resurgence gets One and a Half Stars out of Five (or One and a Half offensive stereotypes away from a perfect dozen) 

ME BEFORE YOU: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

"There was no car chases, not one gun-fight, and no f*cking explosions!" That's what most men who have been dragged to see Me Before You will be thinking when they leave the cinema; but if they can just pull their heads out of their asses for just a minute they might find a film that's funny, witty, sad and for the most part, will leave you with a smile. 

Me Before You sees the Mother Of Dragons become an in-house carer for Tywin Lannister's quadriplegic son (full disclosure, this is not the type of film I usually watch so it's more enjoyable when I imagine that they're playing the characters they're better known for.) So Danerys is providing at home care for that smarmy guy from The Hunger Games, and as their trust between one another grows, so does the divide between Kahlessi and her boyfriend in the film Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter series. But the big question is, "do the FBI know that the CIA are setting them up?"

In all seriousness, this is quite a good film. It's filled with humour and inevitable heartache that manages to treat the subject of disability with dignity, although the overarching message coming from the quadriplegic character may be viewed as insensitive towards people in the same situation. Putting this aside though, and I hope I’m not sounding too xenophobic here, but I feel many of the positive elements of this movie is due to the fact that it is a British film. The movie has British humour and British sensibilities that makes it less cringeworthy than how an American cast and crew may have handled the same subject by avoiding the need to over-dramatise situations in favour of more relatable human moments. 

Emilia Clarke shows some range in her role here and after failing to win people over as Sarah Connor in last year's Terminator Genesys, she may have found a sweet spot in cinema post-Game Of Thrones in Romantic Dramas for the next decade or so. You have every cast member acting the sh*t out of their roles and the film manages to avoid the groaning cliches almost up until the end. As we hit the final act of the film we begin getting hit with a higher frequency of cliched dialogue, but of course as we enter the final act the sniffle ratio in the cinema will dramatically increase, so be sure to bring your tissues - unless you're like me, and are dead inside. 

Ultimately, it's an enjoyable movie with a bittersweet ending that is passable counter-programming to the Summer blockbusters of the season. Sure the films problems probably would have been resolved if Clarke had three dragons but if it's a tear-jerker that you're looking for then jerk no further than Me Before You.

Me Before You gets three and a half soggy soggy snot-filled tissues.  

HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

It's the best New Zealand export since Flight Of The Concords and it's an even better commercial for the island of the long white cloud than Lord Of The Rings ever was. Hunt For The Wilderpeople just may be the best film of the year and it's earned that title by just making you feel... everything. 

Meet Ricky Baker, he’s a bad egg, we’re talking disobedience, stealing, spitting, running away, throwing rocks, kicking stuff, loitering, and graffitiing. The thing is despite all this, he's just the most likeable kid thanks to the talent of New Zealand actor Julian Dennison. When Ricky runs away from home and in the process gets lost in the forest with his foster father Uncle Hec, the two become infamous fugitives when the public just assume the worst about an old man and a young boy. Along their journey they meet all different sorts of uniquely eccentric New Zealanders which makes for an incredibly enjoyable hour and forty minutes. 

Now this may seem like a simple story, but what makes this so good is all the emotional layers that are filled throughout every element of the film. When you break it down it’s a story about outcasts trying to find their place in the world and that yearning for belonging is just done in a way that is so relatable and meaningful. And throughout all of these meaningful moments, you will find yourself smiling the whole way through, except when you’re laughing, or crying, which happens a lot in this film. 

Director Taika Waititi, who brought us other great films such as What We Do In The Shadows and Boy keeps the cinematography and editing energetic in the same way Edgar Wright approaches his film, but Waititi knows when to restrain it to let us breath in the emotions of a moment. Whether it be something a character has said or an embrace that two characters may share, Taika Waititi knows how to deliver the comedy, but still remembers the heart. 

Of course directing aside, it’s the talent of everyone on screen no matter how big or small their role may be that keeps this film constantly entertaining. Whether your heart is breaking for Sam Neill’s Uncle Hec or your splitting your sides with Rhys Darby’s Psycho Sam the whole film hinges and succeeds on the talents of Julian Dennison who can draw you in with his charm but at every turn just nails each moment with simple mannerisms or just genuine reactions to situation and circumstances. 

Overall, Hunt For The Wilderpeople is one of the best films of the year because it really has everything: it will make you laugh, a lot, it will make you cry, more than once, and from start to finish, you will not be able to wipe the smile off your face (except when you’re crying.)

Hunt For The Wilderpeople gets Four and Three Quarter Stars out of Five (or Four and Three Quarter emotional funny bones constantly slugging you in the feels)  

WARCRAFT: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

So much mythology, so little explanation. That’s the way most people, unfamiliar with World Of Warcraft, are going to be feeling when they leave the cinema. It’s a film that has been copping a lot of sh*t from critics and although there are a lot of good moving parts to this film, there’s a good reason it has been copping said sh*t. 

So look, you've got Orcs (not the ones from Lord Of The Rings) and they have travelled from their world to the world of Azeroth (not a place in Lord Of The Rings), a world filled with Knights, dwarves, giant birds you can ride like horses, wizards and magic and I swear this is not Lord Of The Rings I'm just struggling to try and convince you otherwise. 

Now I actually like a lot of this film, but I can see where the critics are coming from when they are bashing it, and it's such a pity because everything is there for a great film. You have amazing state of the art special effects that bring the Orcs to life so that they appear just as real as their human co-stars. You have these large expansive locations filled with wonderfully designed creatures and characters. You have large scale battles that fill every single inch of the screen and they are brutal but still PG-13 friendly. You have an extensive mythology to immerse yourself in and build upon, but there in lies the films biggest problem: the mythology.

The main issue is that there is no explanation for what is going on from one scene to the next, there are important characters introduced with no backstory, the audience are thrown straight into the deep-end of the Orc swimming pool with no floaties to help keep them afloat during the next two hours they’re in the cinema. Now director Duncan Jones, who has given us some great films such as Moon and Source Code, is a massive World Of Warcraft fan and he's clearly poured his love of the game into the film, but he hasn't stopped to think about the audience who are not familiar with the series. 

Just like any other movie that has an extensive mythology, the important thing to do is to explain the rules of the world and important backstory elements so that the audience has an understanding of what's going on. Most films like these start with prologues to help establish the ground rules. Lord Of The Rings did it, Pacific Rim made sure to do it, even the Thor movies use Anthony Hopkins narration at the start of each film as a framing device. Warcraft just jumps straight into the story and that is where the film falls apart. We're spending too long trying to figure out what's going on that we don't feel any investment in the characters when anything big happens. 

Ultimately the film has a lot of potential. It may not be very user friendly for people going in cold to the series and with the film so confident that it's going to get a sequel, we are left with almost every element of the story unresolved which really, doesn't make this a complete film.

Warcraft gets 2 1/2 very confusing head scratches. 

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

It’s the return of the roided-up green cancer patients who wear bandanas and a bunch of other random accessories because the marketing department said this would make them more down with the kids of today. Yes it’s the sequel to the film that I’m surprised was able to garner enough interest and box office takings to warrant a sequel. The film is filled with talking warthogs, talking brains and a recast Shredder whilst Megan Fox reads screen directions just to the side of camera. The film itself is really really dumb, but what’s more insulting, is the fact that the filmmakers think that you the audience are even dumber. 

When the Turtles arch nemesis Shredder escapes from jail we find ourselves kind of searching for Maguffins, kind of dealing with the Turtles trying to find their place in the world, kind of introducing a bunch of fan-favourite characters, kind of looking at our watch every few minutes. The plot is often side-lined for interactions between the Turtles or new character’s Bebop and Rocksteady that can be funny, but also can start to become a little annoying after a while. 

We have Megan Fox back again but this time acting in a slightly darker yellow jacket, and she gives the kind of performance you’d expect from Megan Fox, in a slightly darker yellow jacket. Her performance is somewhere between bored and reading her lines for the first time before the director yells “action”. This time she is joined by Arrow’s Stephen Amell who is playing the hockey stick wielding Casey Jones in name only. It seems throughout the film these two are competing for who can talk out loud about what they are doing even when no one else is around to hear them. 

The film does have some inventive action sequences which includes an airplane/tank sequence that looks great but is short-lived and easily the highlight of the film, which is kind of a pity considering this happens before the third act. The big problem is that a lot of these bombastic sequences are thinly threaded together with plot points that the filmmakers take no time to flesh out. Things are brought up and then forgotten about, the Turtles are angry with one another and then they move on in hopes that the audience don’t notice, and then the conflict between the Turtles build to breaking point and then seem to be resolved off camera. 

On top of the weak storyline, the film is littered with shameless references to Transformers along with other Michael Bay movies. There are references to minor American celebrities that will only make sense if you’re an American, plus the fan-servicing simply becomes nothing more than a box-ticking exercise that doesn’t really provide any genuine pay-offs. We have Casey Jones wearing his hockey mask, for about three seconds; we have the newly recast Shredder, played by Brian Tee wearing his iconic mask, for about the same amount of time; and we have Krang, voiced by Everybody Loves Raymond’s Brad Garrett who feels wedged into the film as clumsily as a Hodor doorstop, especially when he appears randomly early in the film simply to explain that he will be returning for the third act. The film is trying to give you everything you wanted, but in the same breath, makes you realise you should never have asked for it in the first place.       

Overall, the film isn’t as smart as it think it is and doesn’t really think that you are that smart either. With giant blinking neon signs providing script directions for the audience that may as well have been originally scripted phonetically in crayons complete with IKEA-level instructions and diagrams, the film will only appeal to really hardcore fans and really young children. Bebop and Rocksteady may bring the occasional smile, but probably a smile that can wait until tight-ass Tuesday or at least the bargain bin of your local shopping centre. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out Of The Shadows gets One and three Quarter hours ripped from your very soul….

ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

My eyes just water at the idea of the rendering time required to produce these pixelated colourful digital worlds. The countless hours spent in front of computer screens getting paid minimum wage to produce these lush visuals. If only they had spent even half this amount of time on an actual story for the sequel to the 2009 hit, Alice In Wonderland, or as I like to call this one, “Bloated Johnny Depp Looking Like A Carrot-Top Drag Queen Featuring Alice.” 

Alice Through The Looking Glass follows the adventures of Alice who returns to Underland to help The Mad Hatter find his long lost, quite possibly dead family. In order to do this she must steal the Chronosphere from Time himself, played by Sasha Baron Cohen who seems to be doing an accent somewhere in between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Werner Hertzog. Essentially chaos ensues, Alice does a lot of green-screen Ninja Warrioring and a flimsy pretext for an origin story for The Mad Hatter and The Red Queen fills up the one hour and fifty-three minute runtime. 

Now the Tim Burton original was a breakout hit making over a billion dollars worldwide back in 2010. To be honest, a lot of that success was probably riding on the coattails of Avatar’s resurgence of 3D cinema and the pulling power of Johnny Depp at the time - however, I don’t remember anyone really clamouring for a sequel after it was released. Six years later, with the interest in 3D drying up, Johnny Depp’s stocks at an all-time low and no Tim Burton, this film really struggles to capture any of the heart that was in the original. Sure it looks great, but it certainly doesn’t feel great. 

Probably the biggest issue with the film is the story. It doesn’t hold enough weight to support even the key characters of Alice, The Mad Hatter, The Red Queen and Time. The film features all of the original cast from the first film, however they serve no purpose other than to remind you that this is a film set in the world of Lewis Carroll’s original stories. Those hoping for a great villain from Sacha Baron Cohen will be sorely disappointed, mostly because despite the great steam-punk design, he serves no threat at all. But this is not Cohen’s fault, it’s just that his character has so little to do, and this can be said for all of the cast. Helena Bonham Carter gives it her all in the film along with Mia Wasikowska - but ultimately they are just rehashing stuff we already know. Anne Hathaway gives the typical Anne Hathaway performance, and it is good to hear the voice of the late great Alan Rickman, if it is only for a fleeting moment. 

Of course, as always with a film starring Johnny Depp, your ability to enjoy this film will entirely depend on your tolerance of “wacky” Johnny Depp performances. If you’re a fan then you’re in for a treat. If you’ve grown tired of it over the years then maybe give this one a miss because it is more of the same with Depp lisping and switching accents and doing silly talks along with silly walks in his usual unapologetic way. Fun fact though, you know your career has hit rock bottom when 47 year old Rhys Ifans is being asked to play the father of Johnny Depp who is 53 this year.   

For a film that theme is the importance of time, it’s very telling that you will spend most of the film looking at your watch, seeing the ticking clock slow down to a snails’ pace. Granted the film is firmly targeted at little kids, but even they may feel that the film is overly long and a little boring compared to the other films on offer at this time of year. 

Alice Through The Looking Glass gets One and a Half out of Five Stars (or at least One and a Half out Five grave concerns for the well-being of the poor graphic designers sitting in front of those servers waiting for the f*cking film to render - I hope they have a good union.)    

   

THE NICE GUYS: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

I want sequels, lots and lots of sequels. I seriously just want films where Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling just hang out and rip on each other for two hours at a time. The Nice Guys could easily be my favourite film of the year, but if your not into action/buddy-comedies, with dark-humour, bare-breasts and a little bit of bloody violence then this film is probably not for you. However if this film is not for you, then spoiler-alert, you’re probably a pretty boring person.  

The Nice Guys is the spiritual sequel to 2005's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang; don't know what Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is? Stop everything you're doing and watch it now, then come back to this review. It's the film credited as being responsible for getting Robert Downey Jnr the Iron Man role, which subsequently led to Shane Black writing and directing Iron Man 3. If you're unfamiliar with Shane Black's work, don't worry, you know all of his films. He's the guy responsible for writing the  Lethal Weapon series, The Long Kiss Goodnight and The Last Boyscout. So you know, quick witted dialogue, creative action sequences and an odd obsession with setting his films at Christmas. 

The Nice Guys involves two mismatched private eyes played by Ryan Gosling, the guy your girlfriend or wife wishes you were, and Russell Crowe, the guy guys wish they were. Whilst joining forces to find a missing girl, they discover a whole series of things including porn stars, assassins, law suits, district attorney's, senile old grannies, mermaids and somehow by the end of the film it all makes sense but keeps you guessing from one scene to the next. 

The  film is set in the 70’s, and this is just brilliantly realised in a way that makes the film feel like it really was made in the 70’s; It’s so slick, and has the sensibilities of the time and place that makes it feel fresh in the current cinema climate that’s always so keen to play it safe. The humour is dark and not always appropriate. The violence is harsh and brutal when it needs to be, but most importantly the film doesn’t pander to the audience as it subverts many of the conventions of the genre which makes for some clever rug-pull moments in the movie.  

The film really does play to Shane Black's strengths: it's a buddy-comedy wrapped around a film-noir style mystery. There's great characters, regardless of whether they are in one scene or the whole film. Everything in his films are always linked in one way or another; what may seem like throwaway statement or discussion comes back in interesting and funny ways. There's twists and turns but at the heart of the film is just this amazing chemistry between Gosling and Crowe that just leaves you wanting more. It’s also great to see Ryan Gosling playing it for laughs, you forget just what great comedic timing he has. He can keep doing his dark brooding sometimes depressing Nicholas Winding Refn movies just as long as he keeps punching out these kinds of comedies from time to time. 

Overall, the film is not perfect, but for all the great one-liners, action and twists the film keeps churning out, you can forgive the occasional plot hole. It’s easily one of the most quotable films of the year, and with this newly discovered comedic pairing of Crowe and Gosling this film definitely deserves your time, especially during a blockbuster season filled with superhero movies, remakes, reboots, sequels, turtles and Mad Hatter’s.  

The Nice Guys gets Four and Three Quarter out of Five Stars (or Four and Three Quarter out of Five Gooch’s gushing over this film like a school-girl or some sh*t) 

   

X-MEN APOCALYPSE: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

After the fun of Deadpool, the glumness of Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice, then the dizzying heights of Captain America Civil War, we are back to the glum of X-Men; but that’s not necessarily a bad thing - it’s what X-Men has always been about and most of the time, it’s worked out well for them. So how does Bryan Singer’s fourth attempt at creating a cohesive X-Men universe go at surviving the Apocalypse? 

After a return to form with X-Men Days Of Future Past, Bryan Singer hit the reset button on the whole universe in a vain attempt to remove X-Men The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine from existence. So now we find ourselves in the 1983 where all the characters look the same age that they did in X-Men First Class despite the 20 year gap between stories. Anyway, the first mutant Apocalypse, a delusional mutant from  the times of Ancient Egypt, who has a severe God-complex and a grab-bag of powers gets buried for several millennia at the beginning of the film. Once resurrected, he becomes Hell-bent on destroying the world for well, reasons, and he organises four horsemen to help him on his quest to turn the world into a pixelated wasteland of ruined iconic landmarks. These horsemen include Michael Fassbender’s Magneto and who gives a f*ck because the rest of them share about ten lines of dialogue between them for the length of this overly long film. 

Look, I’m a massive fan of the X-Men franchise, I read the comics as a kid and if it wasn’t for Bryan Singer’s first two stellar X-Men films we wouldn’t have the comic book movies that we have today. But after 16 years, five sequels, three spin-offs and multiple ridiculously thin-reasons to ensure that Wolverine, Professor X, Magneto and Mystique get as much screen time as possible, you just can’t help but feel that they have finally run out of ideas - sure it’s only taken nine films in total to finally have characters look like their comic book counterparts, but even then, that is saved until the very end of this movie. 

The film does feature the biggest action scenes to date for an X-Men film, but unfortunately the care-factor teeters along at mostly zero often because we are rehashing origin stories of origins we’ve already seen before. It’s almost like Bryan Singer wasn’t happy with how other directors handled said origins and decided to do his own versions of these moments we’ve already seen before. Granted many of these moments look cool, but it doesn’t shake the fact that we’ve seen it all before and that it doesn’t feel fresh. I guess this begs the big question of whether Bryan Singer let his own ego overrule his ability to make a film akin to his usual high standards when it comes to the X-Men films. 

The film features some highs and lows. The most obvious high is the return of Evan Peter’s Quicksilver who steals every scene he’s in and has another sequence that leaves his last one in the dust. The films lows are ultimately due to the fact that the movie has so many ideas running at the same time that it never really knows what to focus on. There are many scenes that feel completely unnecessary and written in just to fill in some time or to retread stuff from previous movies.

At one point, the film makes a very deliberate dig at X-Men The Last Stand by saying that “we can all agree that the third film is always the worst”, this may be good for a cheap laugh, however I don’t think Singer and writer Simon Kinberg realise just how many similarities this film shares with the Brett Ratner directed third entry: both films remove Professor X from the story early on to give more screen time to certain fan-favourite actors, both films feature huge pixelated third-act destruction on a level that looks cool, but ultimately borders on the absurd, and both films feature shameless fan servicing that doesn’t respect the mythology set up in the previous films, nor helps to further the story that’s being told. 

Overall, Jennifer Lawrence and her occasional X-Men, featuring Oscar Isaac in prosthetics, is enjoyable for the most part, frustrating at other times, but ultimately a forgettable entry in the long running X-Men franchise. Despite taking a dig at third entries in film series, it has become it’s own self-fulfilling prophesy: it’s not the worst, but when the theme is “survival of the fittest”, X-Men Apocalypse is certainly the weakest of the series.      

X-Men Apocalypse gets Two and a Half out of Five Stars (or Two and a Half out of Five extras dressing like it’s the 80’s in the film, whilst the rest dress like it’s 2006 or something) 

WHISKEY FOXTROT TANGO: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

It's the Hurt Locker of Afghanistan journalism movies and to be honest, that's probably the best comparison I can give this film. Both feature people doing really stupid things just for the thrill and rush they get in war-torn countries. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot will surprise you with it’s smarts and intelligence, but will really surprise you when you realise just how good Tina Fey is at drama.  

The story follows real-life journalist Kim Baker, played by Fey, who chooses to pack everything up and move to Afghanistan, for the less than subtle reason that because she is one of the only unmarried, childless personal in this bureau and with no kids she is deemed the least expensive insurance risk by her network. So, kick in the uterus aside, she takes the opportunity and very quickly becomes an adrenaline junkie searching for the next big story as she competes with other reporters and spends way too much time watching dogs humping. 

The film has the usual Tina Fey humour but also has the intelligence and commentary that comes with a Tina Fey production. The film asks big questions about war and cultural differences, but not in a way that is dismissive or generic. The soundtrack is also really interesting in the sense that it's a collection of songs that do not really belong together, but that's not a negative. The film starts with House Of Pain's Jump Around and ends with The National's Green Gloves and in between we have Aha, Radiohead, Kid Rock and The Chipmunks just to name a few. If nothing else, these songs at least keep you on your toes. 

The film is directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, who have given us films like Crazy, Stupid Love, Focus and I Love You Phillip Morris. Some of the great strengths of what they’ve done is the use of cutaways to really help paint the picture of not only the surroundings but the situations. Between shots of dogs humping, you'll see bags of zip-locked money sitting in army helicopters, and little unicorn stickers on automatic weapons. All of these things help to tell a story but are never actually explained, they just make the film feel more real and allows you, as the audience, to fill in the gaps yourself. 

Putting the white-washing casting choices aside, you can't fault any of the performances with Tina Fey showing she can act without having to do the whole ugly-crying-I’m-a-serious-actor-now thing. Martin Freeman gives Malcolm Tucker a run for his money as the sweary-Glaswegian love-interest along with lots of great, intelligent supporting cast members including Margot Robbie, Alfred Molina and that guy from Home and Away that has the fake drawn on tattoos. However the word intelligent is an important distinction here as opposed to other films like American Sniper, because instead of generalising Afghanistan-culture or succumbing to xenophobic stereotypes, the film tackles aspects of the culture in a fair and balanced manner. It's not perfect, but at least it's not dumbing everything down to “terrorist”/"not-terrorist."

Overall, it’s funnier that Fey’s last film Sisters and is not trying to provide answers to the conflict in Afghanistan or the cultural differences between America and Afghanistan. It’s a funny, sweary, two hours of your life that has the scenes to make it both a drama and a comedy. It’s one of those films that probably won’t stick with you too long after leaving the cinema, but at least you’ll have fun while you’re there, along with discover a whole new combination of swear words you never knew existed. 

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot gets Three out of Five Stars (or Three out of Five Donkey -R****g-P**s-E****g-S**t-G******g-Pieces-Of-C**k-Swaddle) 

CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

Everything has been leading to this, ever since Chris Evans said to Robert Downey Jnr, “Put on the suit, let’s go a few rounds” it’s been all building to this. After destroying a good cross-section of New York, taking out the University of Greenwich, a massive shootout over Washington DC and dropping a European city out of the sky it’s all resulted in The Avengers being made accountable for their actions. However when a 90 year old virgin and a billionaire narcissist with a hard-on for shiny metal can’t see eye to eye, the big question is, which side will you choose? 

When Captain America’s new team of Avengers cause an international incident that results in a lot of collateral damage, it becomes the political straw that breaks the camels’ back and all superheroes need to become accountable to a new government initiative. But when the team can’t see eye to eye about how to move forward, the team fractures and some of the best actions scenes ever committed to film ensue. However whilst all of this is happening, the Avengers may not realise that they are being manipulated behind the scenes.  

Continuing the story and stellar work of Captain America The Winter Soldier, The Russo Brothers keep the storytelling tight and well-paced with some nail-biting action sequences and organic humour that was noticeably absent from the marketing of the film. One of the big concerns that a lot of people had, was that this film would not be a Captain America film but rather Avengers 2.5, or as Anthony Mackie once referred to it, Avengers 3.8. It’s understandable considering that Joss Whedon struggled to balance so many characters in Avengers Age Of Ultron, plus shoe-horn in the set-up for all the solo movies, thankfully The Russo Brothers have managed to balance all of the characters and give each one their own moment in the film. Most importantly, the film still focuses on Chris Evans’ star-spangled Avenger and his relationship with life-long friend Bucky along with his love/hate relationship with Tony Stark. 

Some real highlights of the film is the inclusion of some of the new characters such as Chadwick Boseman’s Black Panther who’s presence is energetic and exciting plus makes you all the more eager for his standalone film. We also have the return of Paul Rudd’s Ant-Man who brings the humour and has some awesome scenes ripped straight from the comics and every fanboys wet-dreams. Of course the “elephant-spider” in the room is the inclusion of Spider-Man into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It will probably surprise many people just how much screen time Tom Holland’s Spider-Man has, this is not a quick glorified cameo, he has nearly thirty minutes of interaction with the rest of the Marvel characters both in and out of costume. This is a version of Spider-Man that we’ve sorely needed for quite some time, gone is the mopey angst-ridden versions of Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield, and instead we get a teenager who enjoys having his powers and acts like a kid. To see Spidey finally interact with members of the Marvel Universe genuinely brought a tear to my eye. There’s some great interactions between him  and Stark, whilst his fights with other members of The Avengers is everything my nerdy inner-child could have wanted. 

Going back to existing characters though, The Russo’s really know how to reach the heart of these characters, with Black Widow being given some more kick ass scenes like she had in The Winter Soldier, to really fleshing out newer characters such as Scarlet Witch and Vision. The most impressive feat though, is that they have given us not only the best version of Spider-Man, but the best version of Tony Stark, with Robert Downey Jnr just giving his all in this film between being justified in his actions, but totally torn apart by his choices. He nails so many lines throughout the film that shows Iron Man to be more than just a quippy smart-ass. 

As always, the villains are short-changed because unless your name is Loki, Marvel are not really committed to giving villains much development. However, in this case, the film really excels because the focus is on the heroes and their conflict. Instead of the team quipping whilst fighting an otherwise faceless army, we have hero pitted against hero, we know their backstory, we have an emotional connection with these characters which makes the battles a much more invested experience. 

Now before the DC fanboys get up in arms, it is inevitable that every review is going to compare Captain America: Civil War to Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice and honestly, let’s face it, it’s a fair comparison. They are both two films released within a short space of time that features superheroes fighting one another instead of the villains, it’s the same way that we would compare Armageddon to Deep Impact, or Dante’s Peak to Volcano, it’s just a thing you have to do. Now there’s a hundred and one different ways we can compare these two films: fun versus grim, payoffs versus letdowns, heroic versus, well whatever the f*ck was going on in Batman V Superman. The one thing I will choose to focus on is the fact that the characters in Civil War take the time to talk to one another before throwing punches, and this is such an important thing because instead of just pontificating, it paints the reasons for why these characters come to such loggerheads and that makes us as an audience feel so much more invested in what happens in this film. 

Finally, when we are at a stage with the Marvel films where we could justifiably say that they run the risk of getting stale, The Russo Brothers change up the Marvel formula.  They go huge in the middle with an airport fight sequence that’s been teased in all the trailers, but no amount of fanboy drooling and jabbering can truely express just how cool it is, then in the final act, they go dark and intimate. The final act almost plays out like a horror movie and the stakes are at the highest they have ever been to the point where you don’t know if these characters are really going to kill each other. In a cinematic world where “bigger” is always consider “better”, The Russo Brothers just proved that when you make it just about the characters, you can have a truely emotional response to seeing heroes going at one another. 

Overall, with great pacing, genuine character interactions that justify the fights that occur throughout the film and one of the most nail-biting hand-to-hand fight sequences between two of the biggest characters in the Marvel Universe, you get more than your money’s worth when you buy your ticket for this film. Please don’t download a sh*tty video camera copy of this film, it really needs to be seen on the big screen. Keeping the film focused on Captain America but still introducing us to a whole host of exciting new characters, Phase 3 has never looked more exciting. 

Captain America Civil War gets Four and Three Quarter Stars out of Five (or Four and Three Quarter jaws, that I was constantly picking up off the floor.)