FAST & FURIOUS 7: SPOILER-FREE REVIEW:

It’s car-porn in its most unashamed form.

However, this film should come with a warning that says “you must be this brain-dead to enjoy this film" 

... but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

The film kicks off the blockbuster season of 2015 and it kicks it off in a big way. The previous movies have riffed on Ocean’s Eleven, spy-films and now they’re going full-blown Avengers with some of the biggest and most creative stunts seen on film. With a growing cast of characters including some more interchangeable tough-girl actors, we find the gang being hunted down by the bigger, badder big brother of Luke Evans character from the last film, and he’s an unstoppable Terminator-like character.

Jason Statham is an excellent addition to the series but just seems to show up without any real explanation other than to serve as additional drama to any given situation. The thing is he looks like an angry constipated potato the whole film, whilst Vin Diesel looks like a sagging potato and The Rock looks like a genetically enhanced oiled-up potato. The veteran actor getting in the middle of this potato-salad is Kurt Russell as super secret agent Nick Fury... I mean Mr. Nobody (seriously, that’s what he’s credited as) and he helps round up the Vin Diesel crew in a S.H.I.E.L.D. like super-team.

The elephant in the room, Paul Walker’s death, is handled very well. It is not laboured throughout the film but the ending is a very touching and incredibly fitting send off both to the character and Paul Walker.   

There’s the normal things you expect to see in this series: the party sequences look like a Pitbull video clip, the illegal street-racing is ridiculously well organised and looks more like an extended Red Bull racing commercial and Corona, lots and lots of Corona.

Ultimately this is a fun film with expertly executed action sequences thanks to Saw director James Wan and you’ll really enjoy yourself, as long as you don’t think about.... ANYTHING! Seriously, just watch the action and don’t think about little things like physics, body trauma from vehicular accidents, civilian casualties from all the destruction, how people can know the sex of their unborn child before the 14th week of pregnancy, how people survive car crashes, explosions, five story falls with almost no injuries - literally most people just walk away from head-on crashes that seem to not include airbags (because let’s face it - airbags are for pussies) without a scratch, they just crack their necks and keep on fighting. However, definitely, definitely do not think about how when CPR fails you can just talk a person back to life with some kind words.

This is not my type of film, but I’m not the target audience. The target audience though will get everything they ever wanted from the movie and if you’re happy to switch your brain off then you’re really going to enjoy yourself.

Fast & Furious 7 gets Four out of Five oiled-up indestructible potatoes.